me
Things in my life seem to be changing for the better. Biggest concern as of late is peace and quiet. There has been so much ado about nothing in my life by persons in my family. A book that I read a long time ago called them "Crazy Makers". Yes I was surrounded by them. I mean my immediate family and just a bit further down the branch. It seemed to me that to remain the peacemaker would be the best option. Not the best of things to do in this situation, because in the end I wasn't cared for or even liked for my neutrality. People always make assumptions about their motivations in life. I seriously believe that besides paying my bills on time, my motivation to be a "work-a-holic" stems from me trying to avoid any and all familial conflicts etc. I am getting older and have taken drastic measures to safeguard my peaceful existence. I no longer speak to those that have emotionally attempted to blackmail and hurt me. The people that try and bait me are gone to! My personal boundaries are very secure. The fact that I have taken on weekend work tells me that I am growing past all those crazy nights out dancing till dawn. Where I live now it is not even a possibility. My time and emotions are my own now. I guess that is what middle age has brought me to. I don't want to waste a single moment on frivolous shit. Too much to do before the lights fade to black. Please feel free to call me selfish. I will agree with you completely on that statement. Don't call me lonely though. I have spent the better part of my life alone. It seems strange to many, but I really do enjoy doing my own thing. The thought of being "owned by someone else" gives me actual hives and makes me want to move further away. My dear Mother, may she rest in peace, clung to me like super-glue. It was very suffocating at times. She never meant me harm, but that grip she had on me was very strong. I didn't come into my own until she left the world almost five years ago, Christmas eve. There is so much out there in the world that I want to accomplish, the years are passing faster than I would like. So please do me the courtesy of letting me be. I am fine, happy (now) and getting healthier. You won't find me lingering in bars or clubs very much. I can be found very often trying to play catch up with technology, taking photographs and occasionally hanging out with my cat Lulu, who by the way is a bit of a loner to. :)
